When I started travelling, I was acutely aware of the fact that I was a massive introvert and that was standing – like the biggest of big stone walls – in the way of me being the ‘successful backpacker’. That was until I realised those goal posts, which outlined what it meant to have the ‘BEST TIME EVER’, were set by extroverts and couldn’t possibly hold any truth in my own travels. In fact, if I was to go with the general flow and live out my travels by the expectations of what felt like everybody else in the whole entire world, I’d have a blooming awful time. Thus, approximately two months in to my travels, following a very hectic journey on the Kiwi Experience, I made up my own set of rules for the introvert abroad, which I will dispense for you now.
Before I get started, let’s be clear that being an introvert is absolutely nothing to do with being shy. Though there are shy introverts in the world. It’s also nothing to do with being quiet, although there are quiet introverts in the world too. I am quite a quiet soul, but that’s mainly because I like to conserve my energy for the finer things in life – like eating. There is a very simple way to differentiate between an introvert and an extrovert, and this little gem of information changed my understanding of introversion somewhat. So what is the difference?
Extroverts recharge by being surrounded by other people, Introverts recharge with alone time.
And, of course, there’s a spectrum. There are very introverted people at one end and very extroverted people at the other (god help my soul). And then there’s most people who need a bit of both slap bang in the middle. Personally, I’m leaning very much towards the introvert side and the more I spend time in my own company – enjoying the sh*t out of it – the more I realise I am absolutely okay with that.
The nature of travelling, especially if you’re travelling solo like I am, is that you will meet a lot of amazing people along the way. I am so beyond thankful for all of the gorgeous souls I’ve met across the breadth of New Zealand. But as an introvert, that can quickly become exhausting if you don’t manage your energy and focus on living life by a set of rules that fits the type of person that you are.
So here is, in all it’s glory, the survival guide that worked it’s magic for me and allowed me to really have the best time ever, by my own standard.
It’s okay to say no.
I don’t know if this is a trait that rings true with all introverts across the globe, but I’m definitely a massive people pleaser. I like to be the ‘yes’ person but sometimes you have to learn that it’s better to say ‘no’ for your own benefit than to say ‘yes’ to your detriment just because it makes other people happy.
It’s very easy to go with the flow. It’s very easy to just do what everyone else is doing. But if doing that is bringing down your energy & making you feel burnt-out you absolutely have to learn to say a big fat no. No is a complete sentence on it’s own. You don’t need to justify why you don’t want to do something. If people aren’t happy to respect your decision then they’re absolutely not the kind of people you want to keep around anyway.
Shall I put this all in to context? Okay. While I was travelling & doing my thing, I started to realise that I really didn’t enjoy drinking anymore. It no longer made me happy in the way that it used to. So I started practising that little ‘no’ rule and it’s improved my little life somewhat. I trialled this out on our family holiday in Australia, I managed a whole month without a drink and saw no reason to repeal my decision. I had a good time regardless and was living out my truth rather than just going with the flow.
Now, I’m back in New Zealand – living in Taupo – I practice my rule with the same conviction. I don’t go out & I’m absolutely cool with it. The lovely people I live with all go out, get drunk, have a wild night – they’re happy. I stay in, read my book, get a full 8-hours sleep on the clock – I’m happy. Everyone’s a winner. And as an added bonus, I get to hear about it all in the morning on reception without the need for 347 paracetmol and a large glass of water. Bliss.
There’s absolutely zero reason to do things you don’t want to. And don’t for a second believe that saying no to things will stand in your way of making connections, it absolutely doesn’t. If anything the connections you do make are much purer because people are getting to know the real you not the burnt-out, sad, trying-to-be-extroverted you.
Kapeesh? Kapeesh.
Find what you love, and love the hell out of it
Now that we’ve covered the basics of learning to say no to things that you absolutely do not want to be part of your life, we can focus on the things that you do. As an intro-kiddo, it’s very likely that the things that resonate with you will differ slightly from the ‘must-do’s’ highlighted in every blog post you read or youtube video you stumble across. The joy of travelling is that it’s all about discovering what you like and how you want to live.
For me, my absolute favourite thing to do is go on the longest of long walks & watch the sunset. Maybe take my book and spend an hour or so in under the ever-changing sky just chilling out. That’s what I love and because I love it, I know I need to take time for it in my life. TAKE TIME FOR THE THINGS YOU LOVE.
You just have to keep looking for the things that lift you up. And once you’ve found them, know that that is your ‘me time’ and it’s the most important tool in surviving the world as an introvert. A lot of time when you are travelling, you’ll be in busy hostels or campsites or hotels. When you feel yourself getting stressed out with all the coming & going and busy-ness of the world, pick something you love and just go do it.
I absolutely love where I live & work. Shout-out to Finlay Jacks!!! But I’ve learned to use that me time on the regular to keep me feeling that way & that’s really the golden ticket. The more time you take to do the things that you know make you feel good, the more you will enjoy everything around you that there is to be enjoyed. And when travelling there is always something new around you to be enjoyed. Like cute, cosy, white hostel-dog cuddles, y’know? (Love you, Biggie)
Know that people won’t get you right away & that’s okay…
As a backpacker, people come and go in your life so quickly. Two weeks with the same person in your life feels like a long time. So the likelihood is that a lot of the people you meet will move in and out of your life without ever really understanding how you tick. And that’s absolutely fine. A lot of people will have misconceptions of you based on the fact you don’t like the same things they like. That’s absolutely fine too.
It’s not your responsibility to change the way people think about you. It’s your responsibility to be the truest version of yourself & the right people will think the right things about you. Helllllo to all the people I’ve met on my travels who think I’m a beautiful, kind-hearted angel sent from the gods, I’m talking to you.
Doing stuff alone isn’t weird…
…in fact, it’s cathartic as hell. I literally am the queen of going solo. I flew solo all the way across the world to get here, so doing everything else solo is just a walk in the park really. I am the biggest advocate for ‘alone time’ and think it’s so important to learn to be happy on your own. This year has really taught me so much about myself & my journey and I put that down to the amount of time I spend doing my own thing.
As introverts, we’re naturally inclined to spend more time on our tod than with other people. Remember, that’s how we recharge and keep our energy up there. So if you have some travel plans & things you want to tick off the bucket list, don’t feel any obligation to find someone to come hold your hand while doing so. My two favourite days in New Zealand so far were when I hiked Rob Roy Glacier and when I hiked the Tongariro Alpine Crossing – alone as could be, happy as could be.
So if you want to just take yourself off & head to the cinema on your own, eat enough snacks for the second person that you didn’t bring along with you & bawl your eyes out at a children’s movie, then you should absolutely DO IT. (I’m talking from experience here – it really is sad when Peter Rabbit’s home gets blown up).
Remember, doing stuff alone is only weird to the people who don’t understand you. And as per point numero 3, their opinion is worth as much as Peter Rabbit’s poo poo anyway.
Write down your plans
Chances are, wherever you’re travelling to, you’ve probably come up with a million and one things you want to do during your time – whether it’s a weekend away or a whole year out. As you travel & meet new people (and big personalities) remember to keep checking in on your list and making sure you’re doing the things you had planned and not just letting your trip merge into the ideals of some of those bigger personalities you’ve become acquainted with. Sometimes your plans with people will coincide perfectly & you’ll end up forming nice little bonds along the way – tried and tested. Other times you can each just go do your own thing & chat about it later.
Just don’t let your ideas get drowned out but other people’s noise. You have to make the most of your own time, if you want to take home amazing memories then you have to let your days be a reflection of the things that bring you JOY.
Drop the doubt & practice a little self-love
Contrary to popular opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert. You don’t have to change, at all. If you are enjoying your travels, then don’t think for half a second that you have try be more out-there or talk to more people or spend more time surrounded by the world. Just do your thing, be a little selfish & you’ll feel so much more content with how your travels have panned out.
Self-love and being kind to yourself is MASSIVE in allowing all of the above to work for you. My life changed SO much when I stopped talking to myself negatively and started to be a little nicer. I wake up every morning, do a little dance around my wonderful private room, stare myself dead in the mirror and tell myself ‘you got this baby girl’. And I absolutely do, I am smashing the whole travelling thing, even more so now that I’ve accepted everything that comes with being introverted. So say nice things to yourself, cut out the self-depreciating behaviour and watch the world around you change.
Whatever you do, don’t let being an amazing little introvert keep you from following your dreams of travelling the world. Pick the country, book the ticket and head off on your merry way. YOU GOT THIS.
All the love in the world,
Lyns xx
Where to find the glitter... 